Filling in the cracks

As I sat on my couch, watching a moving and trying to relax  this past weekend, I had a very "ah ha" moment....


This doesn't need to be assigned to anyone, nor do I believe everyone will relate to this. But I thought I would share anyway.


If I could look into my soul, what would I see? Would it be whole, solid, a great foundation? Would it be scuffed, maybe even scarred? Would it be filled with good intentions, maybe some regret? No, I thought, it would have cracks. Some cracks would be shallow, and some would run long and deep. Each crack being a flaw or sin the I am weak to and repeat, sometimes without a conscious decision to do so.


So, I thought long and hard of my cracks and how I could fill them. Was it even possible?


I want to fill the crack that is constantly wanting to be included, and getting jealous when I'm not. It has given me nothing but anxiety and trouble. Fill it up.


I want to fill the crack that is me losing my temper and not trying to control it, sometimes saying things that are too harsh and regretful. Fill it up.


I want to fill the crack that over-analyzes almost everything. Where does that lead one? Overwhelmed (again) with anxiety and confusion. Fill it up.


I want to fill the crack that is over-spending and under-saving. Irresponsible, yet such a tough habit to kick. Fill it up.


I long to fill the crack that doesn't think I'm good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, or (fill in the blank) enough. Fill in those insecurities. 


FILL IT UP!


Shortly after realizing the cracks in my soul/life, I reached out to God. I asked that he help me fill the cracks, because I have no idea how to do this (nor could I do this) on my own.
Do I expect miracles - for them to be filled within a few weeks? Of course not. 
But I am challenging myself to actively do things that will make me a better person, a healthier person, to fill these cracks. 
And I pray, hope and have faith that, little by little, I can fill the cracks,  and help prevent other ones from forming.

My Thanksgiving thankfulness

This is a year that I have much to be thankful for. God has given me so many blessings. He never ceases to amaze me! I thought I would share a few new things I'm thankful for, including Thanksgiving itself.

This is a year I will remember forever. The most important day of my life happened in 2011, I was married. I became a wife to a devoted, loving, funny, very special man. For this, I am eternally thankful.

I am thankful that, with this marriage, comes a whole new family to me. I have another Dad, brother, cousins, aunts, uncles and grandparents. And all of them have welcomed me into their family with open arms & hearts. They have been so kind and loving. I had the honor of spending Thanksgiving with some of them, and it was awesome! I will never be able to fully show my gratitude to Brad for bringing all of these amazing people into my life. To the Meyer's, Haske's, Ginter's and Gasch's: I am so thankful for all of you. And I am so blessed to be able to be around each of you.

God also blessed me with overcoming a huge struggle. As some of you know, I have dealt with depression & anxiety for several years. Anxiety has usually been the stronger of the two evils for me...until this year. I faced several months of heart-numbing depression. It was very difficult. Not just for me, but for my family & friends as well. They had to deal with me not being myself and tip-toe around my emotions to try to help me. I am extremely happy to say that, with the help of counseling, the support of my family & friends, and my biggest fan, my husband, I have overcome some of those darkest days. I know depression is not something that is "healed," but I feel I have made progress, and that is a big deal to me.

I am thankful for the friends who have shined this year. Ashley & Ann, you are admirable women who have been in my life for over a decade now! (Are we getting old?!) You have stood by my side through thick & thin, always there for me. I know I can come to you for anything, whether it be advice, to vent, the camaraderie, or for a good laugh! I know we will be true friends forever. Long live AAA! :) I love you both.

I am thankful for my Taylor family. Dad, Mom, Melissa, Andy & Dan: you are my blood, my most fond memories, my core, the reason I am who I am today. Thank you for loving me always. I love you all so much, I could never express it in words. 

Finally, I must thank God. You have listened to my prayers, comforted my heart when it is hurting, given me strength, taught me lessons, and you are shaping me into the women you & I want me to be. For all of these things, and the hundreds of other things I didn't mention: THANK YOU, FATHER! You are my Savior, my strength, and my love.

Here's to a wonderful Holiday season! May God bless you & yours!

a letter to me: take a deep breath

dear ali,

who are you when you are flustered and anxious? how do you feel when you look back on all of those times of mental mayhem? why does this happen, anyway? aren't you a pretty happy person?

take a moment. more like a solid half hour. and breath. just breath. forget who made you feel bad today. forget the mistakes you made. forget all of the stress. just close your eyes and breath.

feel better?

you are a good person. you can handle whatever God gives you, just trust in Him always, and know that it will all make sense one day. that's all you can do today. and it's enough.

Help me decide!

As many of you know, I get the urge to change my hair a few times a year. With fall approaching, I am trying to decide if I should go red, go brunette, or stay blonde...what do you think?

Red...

Brunette... 

Or Blonde?

Comment on here or on facebook what you like most! I can't decide!

Fall Favorites

It's almost my favorite time of the year, fall! I love the changing colors, sleeping with the windows open - feeling the crisp air roll in, Halloween (yet another excuse to eat candy!), the beautiful scenery, and NEW CLOTHES! I thought I'd share my list of my fall favorites for this year!

1. Suede booties - so cute! Can be paired with just about anything, but my favorite combos are a cute skirt or skinny jeans.
I like this taupe pair from Famous Footwear: http://www.famousfootwear.com/Shopping/ProductDetails.aspx?p=26340&pg=1021948
Ideas:

2. Speaking of skinny jeans, SKINNY JEANS! - I will admit, it took me quite a while to hop on the skinny jean train when they became popular again. But they are cuter than ever and can be paired with any type of shoes! My favorite combo for these are boots and a flowy top. I like these Levi's: http://us.levi.com/product/index.jsp?productId=11643381&ab=leftnav%3Aleviscurveid%3Acurveid-bold%3A3146900&cp=3146849.3146880.3146900.4450620
Ideas:

3. Soft sweaters - As the weather gets a little cooler, it's so nice to put on a cozy sweater and pair it with jeans on a casual weekend, or with black trousers for work attire. I like this one from gap.com (in heather gray): http://www.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=5745&vid=1&pid=850519 
Ideas:

4. Scarves - Great with just about any top, scarves can be worn many different ways (see below). I like the wrap-around style for this fall. Here's one from Banana Republic that I love: http://bananarepublic.gap.com/browse/product.do?cid=60772&vid=1&pid=858014&scid=858014012
Ideas:

5. Leather jackets - I have never owned one, but oh how I want one for this fall! They are classic and so chic. I love, love this one from JCrew(I cold never afford this, but a girl can dream!): http://www.jcrew.com/womens_category/outerwear/leather/PRDOVR~26158/26158.jsp
Ideas:

So that's my list of my fall favorites for this year! Feel free to send me some of your ideas, I would love to hear them! Finally, what is more beautiful than Minnesota in the fall?

My Saving Grace

Everyone has one place they can go to where they can relax. May it be a cabin, a yoga class, a beach, or even just a room in their house. My place is Wisconsin Rapids, WI. It is my second home. My weekend getaway. My haven escape from the hectic. My fresh breath of air. Needless to say, I love it there.

So how did I find this place?

My husband was born and raised there. After dating for several months, he decided it was time to bring me home and meet some of his family. And from that trip, I was hooked.

The most important part of the trips there is Grant, Brad's father. He is the definition of mellow. He goes with the flow. And that sets a vibe of relaxation. He is a loving, kind man that would do anything for his family. I consider him my second Dad. He has done a lot for Brad & I. And you can see the light in his eyes for his children. (Brad has a brother - Jason - who lives in Chicago.)

So, what does Wisconsin Rapids have to offer? The better question is what DOESN'T it have to offer? Let me make a simple list that will guarantee you to understand my love of this city.

1. (Real) Beer and liquor at Wal-mart! Uhh, can you say awesome?
2. From the Ground Up Coffee Shop - a local coffee shop that has amazing coffee and espresso and delish bakery items. (I recommend the cinnamon rolls.)
3. Chips - a DELICIOUS fast-food restaurant that offers one-of-a-kind cheese curds and onion rings. (Warning: after eating Chips, you may feel the need for a nap. It is like Thanksgiving dinner.)
4. Mulligan's Irish Pub - the best bar IN THE WORLD! It is mellow, the bartenders are awesome, the jukebox has an endless song selection, and they give you pickle juice to chase your tequila shots! (Don't dis it til you try it.)
5. Branding Iron Supper Club - a restaurant that offers the most delicious steak & potatoes. (I also recommend the ribs.)
6. The Rapids Mall - it may be small, but it's a mall. And that means shopping! It offers independent stores with unique finds and it has a Younkers, which are hard to find and one of my favorites.

Other town perks: walking paths along the Wisconsin River (I like to feed the geese & ducks there), tons of restaurants, the Rapids Zoo, Dairy Treat (where you can enjoy a 'Cyclone' and mini golf!), and many, many other wonderful places and things to do!

We enjoy some routine when we go home. Saturday mornings I usually cook for the Meyer men, we hang out during the day, usually take at least one nap, grill or go out for dinner, and then hit up Mulligan's. Sunday mornings we always have breakfast at American Table with Grandma & Grandpa Meyer. If it's football season, the men then go down to the "man cave" and watch the Packers. (Little by little, I find myself liking the Pack more and more...Donald Driver  & Aaron Rodgers are some nice eye candy.) Jason joins us from time to time, and that is always an added blessing.

Most of all, I feel so blessed to have a second family that I can spend time with. They are all amazing people with huge hearts. I ♥ Wisconsin Rapids.

Take me or leave me

I have been challenged a lot lately with many different issues. I find most of them extremely hard to deal with. I lack the skill to fix things instantly. Though I am slowly learning that most things take time to be repaired. In all of this stress and emotional trial, I have had one good friend really stand by me. She shall remain nameless for now, she knows who she is. I have also had the unending support of my wonderful husband. I don't know how he does it, but he's always there for me.

I've learned that some people view me in a quite negative way. That I'm a baby, that I'm dramatic, that I'm full of crisis. To these people I say: it's simply not true.

I am an extremely sensitive person and that is my flaw of all flaws. I try and I try harder to get tough skin, but it just won't reveal itself. And I am always the first to admit I am a work-in-progress.

I am so sick and tired of people who claim to care about me but don't stand up for me or talk about me behind my back.

Don't criticize me. Accept me. Love me. Stand up for me. Otherwise just leave me alone.